2011-02-18 │2010年网络总结……
作者:逍遥乾坤 | 发表时间:2011-02-18 22:37:26 | 分类:网络随笔 | 阅读:13620
| 评论:4561
2010年过去了,各个事件总结:
据国家有关当局统计,改革开放三十年来,升值最快的是住房、墓地、乌纱帽、月饼和二奶。
贬值最快的是职称、文凭、道德、诚信和人民币。
中国已初步建设成为一个由月光族、啃老族、打工族、蜗居族、蚁族、牢骚族、抱怨族、行骗族、逐利族和隐婚族组成的多民族国家。
这是一个给力的一年,这是一个杯具的一年,这也是一个纠结的一年。
这一年,中国依然举办了一年一度的春节联欢晚会,只是赵本山的小品越来越像冯小刚的电影,刘谦的魔术越来越像话剧,小虎队的貌合神离也只能让人感叹时光飞逝。
这一年,阿sa从未婚到离婚再到热恋,让人感慨Twins不仅长得像,连做人也是一样的套路。
这一年,中国的考古学家们在曹操墓里发现了两块头盖骨,一块曹操的,一块曹操小时侯的。
这一年,江西的一个钉子户用最无奈的方式结束了自己的生命,他的死证明不了有关部门的野蛮与无耻,只能证明汽油一点就着。
这一年,8名香港游客死在了菲律宾警察的枪口下,让香港人知道菲律宾除了有“菲佣”,还有“菲警”。
这一年,一个卖汽车的和一个卖运动鞋的在关于谁“给力”和谁“不给力”的问题上发生了分歧从而引发了“3Q大战”,最后“狗日的腾讯”做出了“一个艰难的决定”,末了才知道这俩孙子何止是“坑爹”,简直就是“坑爹”。
这一年,黄晓明告诉了我们,穿鞋内增高什么的早就OUT了,把增高鞋垫放在袜子里才叫有才华。
这一年,让我认识到没有iphone4,都不好意思用手机织围脖。
这一年,大S的闪婚证明了一见钟情神马的都是浮云。
这一年,国产奶粉开始有了丰胸的功能。
这一年,李刚没有出名,李刚的儿子也没有出名,但是李刚的儿子的爸爸出名了。
这一年,朝鲜的小金接了老金的班,但很快就跟隔壁的老李干起来了,原因竟然是小金在微博上关注老李却被老李拒绝了。
最近,国家某部公布了一项统计数据,告诉人们:你要不是三大式人物(大款,大官,大腕)而想在北京买套100平方米总价300万的房,社会阶层所付出的代价请看: 1 农民:种三亩地每亩纯收入400元的话要从唐朝开始至今才能凑齐(还不能有灾年); 2 工人:每月工资1500元需从鸦片战争上班至今(双休日不能休); 3 白领:年薪6万,需从1960年上班就拿这么多钱至今不吃不喝(取消法定假日); 4 抢劫犯:连续作案2500次(必须事主是白领)约30年。 5:妓女:连续接客10000次,以每天都接一次客,需备战10000天,从18岁起按此频率接客到46岁(中间还不能来例假) 以上还不算装修、家具、家电等等费用。
中国的现状(经典) 1、ATM取出假钱--->银行无责 2、网上银行被盗--->储户责任 3、银行多给了钱--->储户义务归还 4、银行少给了钱--->离开柜台概不负责 5、ATM机出现故障少给钱--->用户负责 6、ATM机出现故障多给钱--->用户盗窃 7、广东开平银行行长贪污4亿--->判2年 8、ATM多吐7万给老百姓许霆--->判无期
中国现状:生不起,剖腹一刀五千起;读不起,选个学校三万起;住不起,二万多元一平米;老婆不是娶不起,没房没车谁嫁你?养不起,父母下岗儿下地;病不起,药费利润十倍起;活不起,一月辛劳一千几;死不起,火化下葬三万几。
总结(八个大字): 求生不得,求死不能
多传传,让领导人们看看, 就不信传不到中央胡书记与温总理那里去。
教育:希望进去,绝望出来;
医疗:小病进去,大病出来;
房产:蜗居进去,房奴出来;
演艺:玉女进去,小姐出来;
信访:窦娥进去,疯子出来;
官场:海瑞进去,和绅出来;
煤窑:蹲着进去,躺着出来;
大学:校花进去,残花出来!
股市:杨百万进去,杨百劳出来,宝马进去,自行车出来,西装革履进去,三角裤出来。
老百姓在思考,为啥玩不过政府呢? 原因如下: 1、你和他讲道理,他和你耍流氓; 2、你和他耍流氓,他和你讲法制; 3、你和他讲法制,他和你讲政治; 4、你和他讲政治,他和你讲国情; 5、你和他讲国情,他和你讲接轨; 6、你和他讲接轨,他和你讲文化; 7、你和他讲文化,他和你讲孔子; 8、你和他讲孔子,他和你讲老子; 9、你和他讲老子,他给你装孙子 。
据国家有关当局统计,改革开放三十年来,升值最快的是住房、墓地、乌纱帽、月饼和二奶。
贬值最快的是职称、文凭、道德、诚信和人民币。
中国已初步建设成为一个由月光族、啃老族、打工族、蜗居族、蚁族、牢骚族、抱怨族、行骗族、逐利族和隐婚族组成的多民族国家。
这是一个给力的一年,这是一个杯具的一年,这也是一个纠结的一年。
这一年,中国依然举办了一年一度的春节联欢晚会,只是赵本山的小品越来越像冯小刚的电影,刘谦的魔术越来越像话剧,小虎队的貌合神离也只能让人感叹时光飞逝。
这一年,阿sa从未婚到离婚再到热恋,让人感慨Twins不仅长得像,连做人也是一样的套路。
这一年,中国的考古学家们在曹操墓里发现了两块头盖骨,一块曹操的,一块曹操小时侯的。
这一年,江西的一个钉子户用最无奈的方式结束了自己的生命,他的死证明不了有关部门的野蛮与无耻,只能证明汽油一点就着。
这一年,8名香港游客死在了菲律宾警察的枪口下,让香港人知道菲律宾除了有“菲佣”,还有“菲警”。
这一年,一个卖汽车的和一个卖运动鞋的在关于谁“给力”和谁“不给力”的问题上发生了分歧从而引发了“3Q大战”,最后“狗日的腾讯”做出了“一个艰难的决定”,末了才知道这俩孙子何止是“坑爹”,简直就是“坑爹”。
这一年,黄晓明告诉了我们,穿鞋内增高什么的早就OUT了,把增高鞋垫放在袜子里才叫有才华。
这一年,让我认识到没有iphone4,都不好意思用手机织围脖。
这一年,大S的闪婚证明了一见钟情神马的都是浮云。
这一年,国产奶粉开始有了丰胸的功能。
这一年,李刚没有出名,李刚的儿子也没有出名,但是李刚的儿子的爸爸出名了。
这一年,朝鲜的小金接了老金的班,但很快就跟隔壁的老李干起来了,原因竟然是小金在微博上关注老李却被老李拒绝了。
最近,国家某部公布了一项统计数据,告诉人们:你要不是三大式人物(大款,大官,大腕)而想在北京买套100平方米总价300万的房,社会阶层所付出的代价请看: 1 农民:种三亩地每亩纯收入400元的话要从唐朝开始至今才能凑齐(还不能有灾年); 2 工人:每月工资1500元需从鸦片战争上班至今(双休日不能休); 3 白领:年薪6万,需从1960年上班就拿这么多钱至今不吃不喝(取消法定假日); 4 抢劫犯:连续作案2500次(必须事主是白领)约30年。 5:妓女:连续接客10000次,以每天都接一次客,需备战10000天,从18岁起按此频率接客到46岁(中间还不能来例假) 以上还不算装修、家具、家电等等费用。
中国的现状(经典) 1、ATM取出假钱--->银行无责 2、网上银行被盗--->储户责任 3、银行多给了钱--->储户义务归还 4、银行少给了钱--->离开柜台概不负责 5、ATM机出现故障少给钱--->用户负责 6、ATM机出现故障多给钱--->用户盗窃 7、广东开平银行行长贪污4亿--->判2年 8、ATM多吐7万给老百姓许霆--->判无期
中国现状:生不起,剖腹一刀五千起;读不起,选个学校三万起;住不起,二万多元一平米;老婆不是娶不起,没房没车谁嫁你?养不起,父母下岗儿下地;病不起,药费利润十倍起;活不起,一月辛劳一千几;死不起,火化下葬三万几。
总结(八个大字): 求生不得,求死不能
多传传,让领导人们看看, 就不信传不到中央胡书记与温总理那里去。
教育:希望进去,绝望出来;
医疗:小病进去,大病出来;
房产:蜗居进去,房奴出来;
演艺:玉女进去,小姐出来;
信访:窦娥进去,疯子出来;
官场:海瑞进去,和绅出来;
煤窑:蹲着进去,躺着出来;
大学:校花进去,残花出来!
股市:杨百万进去,杨百劳出来,宝马进去,自行车出来,西装革履进去,三角裤出来。
老百姓在思考,为啥玩不过政府呢? 原因如下: 1、你和他讲道理,他和你耍流氓; 2、你和他耍流氓,他和你讲法制; 3、你和他讲法制,他和你讲政治; 4、你和他讲政治,他和你讲国情; 5、你和他讲国情,他和你讲接轨; 6、你和他讲接轨,他和你讲文化; 7、你和他讲文化,他和你讲孔子; 8、你和他讲孔子,他和你讲老子; 9、你和他讲老子,他给你装孙子 。
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